Singleness. We’ve all been there at some point. Some of you live the single life right now – for others of us, the memory of life alone begins to dim. Married at age thirty, I remember being on my own. But, recently I recognized that my memories are getting foggy. So, I asked some godly single women what they would like their married sisters, including me, to know about them.
It is my delight to introduce these lovely women of God! They are their 30s or 40s; two are in full-time Christian service, and two are in secular professions. Each wants to honor God in her life and in her relationships. Their objective is not to promote comparison between married and single women. They want to nuture unity with their sisters in Christ.
Single Sister #1 – Iowa
“What I want married women to know about me:
3) Likewise, I want to hear about your life too. I love hearing about others’ kids and families, but I also want to get to know more about you. I think there is much we can learn from each other.
4) I do appreciate it when people ask me how they can pray for me or what I’ve been learning from God and His Word.
5) I am endeavoring to take to heart Proverbs 31:10-31, particularly verse 12 right now.
6) I aspire to keep growing closer to and loving my Lord more and more every day.”
Single Sister #2 – Pennsylvania
“Some have already mentioned my thoughts, but I’ll reiterate them. Our church has a once-a-month ladies’ Bible study and fellowship. There are some ladies that I work with who attend that I could sit with there, but I’d like to get know some other people. I’ve given up and have quit going because none of the married women will include me in their conversations. Sometimes they don’t so much as look at me. I would like married women to know that I don’t have the plague and I do have a life even though I’m not married. I want them to know that I do want to be their friend and hear about their families though other topics of conversation and interest in my life would be appreciated as well.
Single Sister #3 – Wisconsin
“To include everyone, not just married people. I have a lot of friends who include my daughter and I in everything, but then you meet people who act like they’re superior because they’re married. And then I hear women who are so upset because their husband doesn’t do every little thing for them. I hear women who have said they’re mad at God because they can’t have any more children and they already have 3 or 4 kids. Sigh…………I try to be compassionate toward them and understand and just love them but the reality of it is that in my heart, I’m thinking that they need to be thankful for the husband and kids that they already have. Some of us would love to trade places with them in an instant.
I agree that many are busy serving their families, but I have a friend who is a mother of 5 girls, she serves her family and husband very well, yet has always had time for my daughter and I in NUMEROUS ways. Having dinner at their house, parties at their house, game night, etc. I think that no matter where you are in life, it comes back to looking past yourself and loving people. As a single mom who runs 2 businesses, the norm for me has been to be up at 7am, to work by 8:30, back home around 8pm, and to bed around 1am. I had time to run both businesses, spend time with my daughter, keep up the house, have play dates with her friends, cook meals for people who just had babies or surgeries, watch people’s kids if they had a Dr’s appt, etc. and coordinate an entire music program (everything from practice, coordinating the calendar, teaching people how to sing, putting together cantatas, you name it.)
I’m enjoying the break I’m having right now from that busy life (just moved), but still looking for ways to serve people in this community. I’ve been buying school uniforms for kids at school who can’t afford them, and I’m planning to organize buying coats for them too. I always try to remind myself that everyone is at a different place spiritually, and even when God tells someone to do something, they might not actually do it. I have to leave it up to God to bring people to the point of looking at other people’s needs and doing something about it.
The only other thing I would add is just being sensitive, especially when you’re talking to an older person who’s single. I’ve had people ask me ‘Why aren’t you married?’ and while I really think they mean it as a compliment, it makes you feel like in some way you’ve failed because you’re not married. As if it’s a social class or something. Other times, people have told me that I ‘just need to get married,’ as if that will solve all of life’s issues and as if there’s some big line of guys that I have to choose from. Getting married just to get married never made anyone happy or solved any problems.
Understanding that God’s plan for some people is to be married, and God’s plan for other people is to be single and supporting each other in living out that plan is important.”
Single Sister #4 – Ohio
I also wish married women would be sensitive to singles when they’re in a group setting. Many married women talk a lot about their families, and that’s like a knife in my heart, since I am past the age where I could have my own kids.
I appreciate your asking the question. There are a lot of radio programs, Bible studies or whatever that deal with the issues a person faces when married. Because of that, singles have a fairly good grasp of their struggles, but it’s not common to have information about singles, or if there is, it’s usually about dating, not about just plain living.
When I see married women either forced to work or choosing to work, it’s such a sadness to me. My church has suffered because so few women are available anymore for ministries. I would challenge women who have the freedom to not work to pour their energies into this very eternal investment. You are very much needed and valued in these roles.
As a final note: I want married women to know that I feel for them with the issues they face too, because raising kids can be very trying. Whether single or married, it’s good to respect each other’s differences and know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. I think a forum like this, though, can help us better understand and support each other as members of the whole family of God. I always bear in mind that in heaven there will be no marriage, so if we can focus on people as people here, we’ll be set for heaven!”
Thank you ladies! What about you? Do you have something you’d like to share? We’d love to hear from you! Please feel free to leave a comment below. We are exceedingly blessed to be on God’s mission together!
Thank you for your input! That is a wonderful point, Marjorie.
I was not married until I was 27, and for much of my time of singleness, I lived with my parents. I always appreciated when people included me in my own right, not just as the child of my parents. Our church listed me in the church directory in my own entry, as they did all the single adults. When I got an invitation myself to a dinner or activity, it always made me feel better than just as a “tag-along.”
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Thank you for sharing, Meg and Kay!
Thanks so much for these personal insights! I love the single ladies in our church. But, never having had a single time in my life, I'm grateful for fresh ideas to reach out to them and find more common ground! BTW – I'll admit I do find myself looking back with a bit of jealousy. I wish I'd had at least a few years of singleness. 😉
I was challenged by reading these thoughts. Good reminder to me as a married mother to be more sensitive to single sisters. I have been incredibly blessed by some single sisters that have sacrificially poured out their lives for others. It especially means a lot to me when singles seek out my children and communicate with them and invest in their lives. I think contentment is such a key issue for each of us.