Author: Sara

In Her Shoes – Women and Cancer

 

“But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me,
I shall come forth as gold.” Job 23:10 NKJV

 

This month we are blessed to hear from three women who have walked with God through the valley of the shadow of cancer.  Each testimony will bless your heart and remind you of God’s ever faithful love.  Below is a list of resources.  If you would like to share about your cancer journey or the journey of someone you love, we would treasure hearing from you at the end of this article. 

Our first testimony is from my sweet sister in Christ, Sarah from Iowa, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor and the very real possibility of cancer.  She delights in sharing about God’s faithfulness through her time of trial.  Thank you, Sarah!

God Is My Refuge 

 

Somewhere around the middle of 2012 was when I first began to realize that something might be wrong.  There were no major symptoms, but just a series of incidents that were significant enough to begin to cause some concern, such as some memory loss, a couple of severe headaches, and a dizzy spell or two that all seemed unusual.

 

From the very beginning, God’s hand was amazingly evident in every detail!  First of all, our family has a friend who is a neurologist, and she was the one who, after hearing about the incidents I had, was able to get me a referral to see a doctor in early October.  He did an EEG and an MRI, which revealed a small mass in my right temporal lobe that was causing some minor seizure-like activity in my brain.  He was of the opinion that it needed to be removed, even though it appeared benign, and he referred me to a doctor at the University of Iowa Hospital, because of the world-class excellence of the neurosurgery department there.  I first saw him on October 22, and he was able to get me scheduled me for surgery on November 14.

God graciously allowed me to continue teaching right up until the day before my surgery and make preparations for my aid, who took over the classroom in my absence.  This dear woman was another clear evidence of God’s sovereign provision, since she had been a part of our classroom since the beginning of the year and works wonderfully well with the kids!

The surgery lasted 7 hours and went very well, however they had to leave a small part of the tumor, because it was located so near to the brain stem.  We had been told that very likely I would have to do further treatment at some point or possibly have another surgery in the future.  I was released from the hospital 4 days after surgery and permitted to go to stay with my parents during the recovery time.  God’s timing was so perfect, as the time recommended for recovery took me right up to Christmas break, and it was such a blessing to be able to be with my family during that time!

When the pathology report came back, I was told that it was the best possible news I could have received!  Not only was the tumor benign, but amazingly they do not believe that I will ever have to worry about it again, even though they couldn’t remove it entirely!  I was totally overwhelmed by God’s goodness and mercy in giving me such complete healing!  The prayers of so many people on my behalf during this time were truly humbling and encouraging, and it was wonderful to be able to share this news, for when many people pray, many thanks can be rendered to God for His answer!

As I daily recovered my strength, it was great to be able to resume more and more normal activities, and when school started back up in January, I was able to go back to teaching.  It really only took about a week before I really felt like I was back into the swing of things, and in fact, in many ways I felt even better than I had before the surgery!

God has continued to give me many opportunities to share what He did through all of this, and to Him be all the glory for everything, for He is truly sovereign in every detail of life and wonderfully good in everything that He allows!  I would not trade this experience, because I learned so much through it – especially about what the Body of Christ looks like when it is truly functioning as God intends it to, the nearness of God that we can most fully experience when we are hurting the most or feeling the most needy, and His absolute sovereignty in every detail of our lives!  I praise Him for entrusting me with this small trial, so that I can be better able to be an encouragement to others with the same comfort that God gave to me during this time!

One of the verses that became especially precious to me through all this is Psalm 59:16 –

“I will sing of Your strength and will
joyfully proclaim Your faithful love in the morning.  For You have been a
stronghold for me, a refuge in my day of trouble.”  CSB

Truly, God is my strength, my joy, and my refuge, and life’s trials only serve to make that truth more real and more precious than ever!

 This next testimony is from the heart of a beautiful friend named Kay who lives in Alabama.  I learned so much and was extremely encouraged by what she shared, and I know you will be, too.  Thank you, Kay!

 

My Cancer Journey . . .

– When your Mom gets breast cancer and you’re in elementary school, and when she passes away from it when you’re 12, you always have in the back of your mind that you’re going to get breast cancer, too.

– So when you find your first lump at 16, have it removed and it comes back benign, you’re relieved.

– And when you start having mammograms at 30, and they routinely show lumps that are non-cancerous you are relieved.

– And when you have a lump that doesn’t change, but doesn’t go away, you don’t really worry, but you get it checked out.  But, when the hospital Breast Cancer Center calls you back, and you walk in and see the doctor and the head of the BC Support Group, and before they even open their mouths, you know “this is the moment you’ve been dreading for 36 years!,” you’re still shocked, surprised, and numb.

At that point I was thankful for 3 specific things in my life: an amazing husband, a wonderful care team, and God’s immeasurable grace.
The medical care team told me they believed we had caught it early, but that we would need to do some more testing.  At that point things flew very quickly.  I was glad I’d thought through what I’d do, because you have to make life-altering, and body-altering decisions rather rapidly.

I chose a completely traditional medicine approach at that time.  If I had it to do again, I would probably do it differently – but I trust that God had me where he wanted me when He wanted me, so I choose to have no regrets. The doctors thought lumpectomy might be enough. With my history (which also included positive aunts on my father’s side), I chose double mastectomy.

Following surgery, the doctors told me they were glad for my decision; they found tumors in both breasts that had not appeared in any diagnostic procedure. Mastectomy was the only logical choice, and it had been the choice God had led me to make.

I cannot describe God’s overwhelming presence throughout the entire journey. Frankly, sometimes I almost miss cancer because I miss that extra grace that God gives in trials like that.  And, when you know your life is in God’s hands, you can trust that He is in control and going to do with it was it best for you and best for bringing glory to His name. Period.

I had many extra opportunities to talk with others about the Lord during this time. Many could not understand peace in the midst of my storm. On the other side, many were a great encouragement to me during this time.  I started a Facebook Page (link here) just to keep everyone updated. It was a HUGE comfort to ask for prayer and KNOW that friends were truly praying for me.  It was also very cathartic to be able to write out what I was going through each step of the way.  I’m also encouraged to go back and read through God’s provision and presence at every single step.

What did people say “right?”  “I’m praying for you” and “I love you” were always the best!  I loved the specific people – “we pray for you every day at breakfast!” or “the kids and I pray for you each night at bedtime.”  It reminded me that, if I was feeling bad at 8:00, the family that put their kids to bed at 8:00 was praying for me! Also the tangible “what can I do?” was wonderful.  It was offered often, but the ones who really waited and listened for me to answer were special. Also those who gave me permission to have bad days and a shoulder to cry on, even if words were never spoken were a blessing.

What did people say “wrong?” “OH, that’s terrible! My Grandma died from that!” or “Have fun in the bedroom now, you won’t be attractive to your hubby after they cut your breasts off!”  “Oh, you must be so terrified for your daughters!” (That one WAS one of my greatest fears, and I had to address it with the Lord. But someone reminding me really didn’t help anything!) Yeah, those three were pretty bad! Most of the time, people were great! Sometimes people put their foot in their mouth – but we usually just laughed together after that. I appreciated the effort and the selflessness of trying to say something sweet, even if it came out wrong.

If you found out you had cancer today, I’d encourage you to pause. And then pray. I was grateful for quick care. But, frankly, there really was no rush. We’d been watching things for over 6 months; we could have waited 6 more months and little would have changed.  Pray and ask God to guide you (and spouse, if you are fortunate enough to have one involved). Then seek the counsel of those who have walked the path already. I learned more from other “survivors” than I did from Google, WebMD, medical journals, and the American Cancer Society together! Then pray some more and ask God to direct your specific path. Talk with your pastor and pastor’s wife.  They probably have a great deal more experience with “big things” than you do – even if it’s not cancer. Then walk your path with peace and confidence.

Our purpose on this planet is to glorify God. Psalm 86:12 tells us:

“I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore.” KJV

I also found comfort in Philippians 1:20:

“According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death.” KJV

 

Frankly, if God wanted me to die from cancer, everything would be better because of it. He had a plan, and I was blessed to be a part of that plan.

 

I’m thankful I’m still here. But I remind myself, am I glorifying God today as much as I was when I was walking the path of breast cancer?  Cancer, in its own way, was something God allowed in my life that drew me closer to Him – and for that I am thankful.

 

This last testimony is from the mom of a dear college friend.  Thank you, Donna in California!  You are a blessing.

 

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME

It was about the beginning of December that I noticed something wasn’t quite right.  I made an appointment, and a verse started going through my mind – we had the sentence of death in ourselves.   The nurse practitioner found a large mass and seemed alarmed.  She told me to schedule a mammogram and ultrasound.  Thenext day the verse went through my mind again and I was by myself: “Lord, are you trying to telling me I am going to die?”

I stopped what I was doing and looked up the verse: II Corinthians 1:8-11:

“For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble
which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength,
insomuch that we despaired even of life (sounds like cancer surgery, chemotherapy, being sick as a dog, and finding out you
have Stage IV cancer):  But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but
in God which raiseth the dead: Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth
deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us: Ye also helping together
by prayer for us, that for the gift bestowed upon us by the means of many
persons, thanks may be given by many on our behalf.” KJV

 

I want to just make a plea here for you to familiarize yourself with God’s word.  It is so easy to do that in this day and age, with all the technology available to us.  You can listen to scripture on your iPod or iPad, download it, put it on CD’s, hear it in your car or when you are getting ready in the morning, you can get preaching from Sunday (online) – there are so many ways to get the Bible in to renew your mind – what a harvest of blessings that will bring to you!

You know, God really is good all the time.  He knows I am prone to worry.  He knew I might just fall apart if I got news of cancer.  So, He gave me these verses ahead of time, so I wouldn’t go off the deep end and despair.  I haven’t been upset about having cancer.  Other people are more upset than I am.  God was good to prepare me.

I had the mammogram and ultrasound, and the doctor said he saw something and scheduled a biopsy.  Three days before my biopsy, I was asked to play the offertory for Sunday. I chose Be Still My Soul. The phrase kept jumping out at me – in every change, He faithful will remain. God will be faithful to me in every change.

On January 22nd

I found out it was breast cancer and the doctor who gave me the news was so sweet.  I really was doing fine until she started being sympathetic and told me to put my trust in God.  That made me cry, and she cried with me. My Bible reading for that day was Exodus 14-16: 14:13 says, “Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will show to you today.” God told me in His word that morning, before I went to the appointment,
not to be afraid.

The oncologist said, “This is a sneaky kind of cancer.”  It’s not a lump – I never felt a lump – it’s a thickening, so it’s harder to detect.  And it’s lobular, so it doesn’t show up on a mammogram until it is very large.  She told us what our options were and one of them was the mastectomy and reconstruction.

Obviously, what I think is best for me would be no cancer.  But God had something else in mind.  If you had asked me 5 months ago if I thought it would be good for me to have cancer I would have said, “Of course not!”  But if it is true that God only does what is best for me, then it is good for me to have cancer.

We’ve been praying for some loved ones, to be saved, for some time now – and we don’t really know if they are unsaved or just away from the Lord.  One of them responded positively to an email update.  If I had to get cancer in order for him to get right with the Lord, it’s totally worth it. If I have to endure some light affliction in order for his immortal soul to be in heaven one day – that’s such a small price to pay.  I’ve always wished I could be able to reach some of my coworkers for the Lord, and this cancer has really opened doors for me. I want them to see that God is good, all the time … even when you get cancer.

My pastor came over that day and prayed with us and said he agrees with me about my verses and feels the Lord is going to use this cancer for ministry to others.  He gave me Philippians 1:29:

 “For unto you it is given (it’s a gift) in the behalf of
Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake.”  KJV

 

Suffering is a gift from God.  He said there are 3 reasons people suffer – for stupidity, for sin, and for service.  And part of the reason may be stupidity – I hadn’t had a mammogram for 8 years, so we might have caught it sooner, but maybe not since it’s so hard to detect.  My doctor did say I have had this cancer for years.  (I just want to put in a little plug here.  If you do need to get a mammogram, you are better off to get the thermal kind, so you are not getting all that radiation.)

He said God is not doing this to me, He is doing this for me.  Then he gave us Psalm 71:18. I love this one:

“Now also when I am old and grey-headed, O God, forsake me not;
until I have showed thy strength unto this generation and thy power to every
one that is to come.” KJV

God will use this to show His power to my children and my grandchildren.  I was actually kind of excited about having cancer.  I do want my children and grandchildren to love God and cling closely to Him all their days.

I thought I was handling everything pretty well, but even if our minds are doing well, our bodies can be reacting to the stress. That night I had flashing lights on the side of my vision that last for several minutes.  Before my appointment (to check my eyes), I went to a nutrition class for cancer patients, and saw a man with a scar from one ear to the other, over the top of his head, and his hair was just starting to grow back.  I thought, Oh my word, he must have brain cancer!

After class I told my nurse about the flashing lights and I said, “You don’t think that could have anything to do with my breast cancer, do you?”  She said, “Well, breast cancer goes to the brain, so your doctor will probably order a brain scan, in fact she’ll probably order a full body scan, just to make sure.”

I went to the car and cried.  I don’t mind having breast cancer, but I don’t want to have brain cancer. I found out it was an eye migraine caused by stress.  The Lord has given me grace for breast cancer because I have breast cancer … and that’s why I’m okay with it.  But He has not given me grace for brain cancer, because I don’t have brain cancer.

Some of you may think, “I could never handle what she’s going through!”  Yes, you could.  If God gives that to you, He will also give you the grace to bear it.  Grace is spiritual strength.  It is that ability to be obedient to our Savior, even under pressure.  It’s what keeps us from falling under the load.  You will have the spiritual strength to endure whatever the Lord brings into your life because He’s a good God.

The end of that week I had a biopsy of the lymph node that was positive for cancer, and later had a bone scan that showed cancer all down my spine and in my pelvis.  So, I am Stage IV.  Once breast cancer has metastasized to other parts of the body, there is no cure. They still felt I needed surgery, so I went ahead and had a 9 hour surgery at UCLA that included the mastectomy, removal of 60 lymph nodes (59 of which were cancerous) and the reconstruction.  Just before surgery I was tempted to be frightened.  But, I had taken a verse with me to the hospital (Colossians 3:15 – “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts … and be ye thankful”). That verse calmed me right down, and I started thinking of all my blessings. I remembered all the cards, emails, kind words and prayers going up for me.  There are some perks to having cancer – you find out how much everyone loves you.  I was thankful for my husband and all my wonderful family.  I felt very loved and cared for.

Right now I am doing very well.  I don’t have any symptoms, I don’t have any pain.  The Lord has been so good to me.  I haven’t had to endure what most cancer patients go through.  I didn’t have to have chemotherapy and be sick or lose my hair.  My treatment is a pill I take every day and then I get a shot once a month.  I have a couple more out-patient surgeries for reconstruction. I do have Stage IV cancer, but my doctor said I could live for years on this treatment.

I hope all this has helped you realize how good God is and that you can trust Him with anything, even that hard thing that makes you tremble.

 

Resources

 Articles:

Books:

 

 
by Categories: Bible Study, Contentment, Fear, Health and Beauty, Illness, In Her Shoes 2 Comments

Children’s Ministry Resource Bible

This treasure recently came to my attention …

 
 
Developed with Child Evangelism Fellowship, this study Bible abounds with the riches of God’s Word and additional helpful tools to help us communicate God’s truth to our precious young people.  It would be helpful for parents, school teachers, homeschooling families, Sunday school teachers, Bible club helpers, and church children ministry leaders. 
 
This Bible has many helpful components:
  • Thousands of Footnotes that clarify important Bible terms, phrases, and ideas.  They provide you with cultural and historical background and insights on Bible people and events.
  • Teacher Training Sections that help you learn how to communicate important Bible lessons in a kid-friendly manner.
  • Lesson Outlines that take selected Bible stories and break them down into an Introduction, Progression of Events, Climax, and Ending.  Each is prefaced with a Teacher’s Objective and Child-Related Truth.
  • Full-Page Articles that address foundational skills for evangelizing and discipling children.
  • The Wordless Book, that presents the gospel message in a way children can understand.
  • Full Bible Text in the New King James translation.
 
Since I purchased this for our home school, I have been impressed with the many helpful charts, subject index, the concordance, and the pronunciation guide.  It includes maps and the usual “Harmony of the Gospels,” as well as time lines, etc.!  This helpful tool makes things clearer to me so that I can more effectively communicate God’s Word to our boys.
 
To find out more, look here.
by Categories: Bible Study, Bibles, Book Reviews, Evangelism, Family, Home Education Leave a comment

His List Is Longer Than Mine

To be completely honest, I wish I were on a beach without a care in the world this morning.  Instead I have a list longer than an elephant’s trunk of things I need to do. 

Thankfully, I have something far better than a day (or week, or month!) at the beach.  And it is not dependent on location, weather, or my state of mind:  God never changes … aren’t you thankful?  So much in life is unpredictable.  Yet, God remains completely trustworthy!  As I stare at what needs to be done, and want to shrink back in my weakness and lack of “want to,” I am hopeful and revived, because God never changes!

The fact that God never changes means:

1.  I am always loved.

“The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: ‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.’” Jeremiah 31:3

2.  I am never alone.  He is always with me, as He promised.

“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ‘The Lord is my helper;I will not fear. What can man do to me?’” Hebrews 13:5-6

3.  He is always holy – He never sins, never messes up.

“For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble,and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.'” Isaiah 57:15

4.  He always makes His innumerable resources available
     to me – His kingdom never shuts down!

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,” Ephesians 1:3


5.  His mercy is unwavering, His grace immoveable.

“For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations.” Psalm 100:5


6.  His forgiveness is always available for this saved sinner.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9

7.  I never stop being His child.

“having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will,  to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.” Ephesians 1:5-6
 
Can you think of anything else to add?  I’m sure there is no end to the list (it’s much longer than our to-do lists!!!), but these are what stood out to me this morning.  Have a blessed day, basking in God’s faithfulness!
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How Not to Thrill Satan

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:10


I love storms.  I love the booms of thunder, reminiscent of Independence Day fireworks, that shake my house and the lightning flash that always takes me by surprise.  Not so much when I was a child.  But, somewhere along the line I became captivated by God’s power. My boys are also calmed during a storm when I say, “Listen to how powerful God is!”  They are still a little afraid, but they are also impressed. 

This morning during Bible study, I have the rare delight of sitting by my bedroom window as a storm comes in.  The weather radar on the website tells me soon it will be on top of us.

I’ve been working my way through Hebrews, and this morning I came to the last half of Hebrews 12.  Good stuff!  Will you join me for a few moments in His Word? You can grab your own Bible or read it with me here:

Hebrews 12:18-29

Mountain Tour

Let’s go back.  We find ourselves back at the foot of Sinai.  I AM presents Himself to Israel. And all around us we hear Israelites, scared out of their wits, crying and begging for the trumpet sound and His words to stop.  Terror of His might is only surpassed by their terror of His commandments.  Even brave Moses was “exceedingly afraid and trembling” (21).  Behold the power of I AM!

Let’s go forward.  In verse 22 we zoom to another mountain – Mount Zion.  We are situated in the realms of a new covenant, made possible because I AM came further down than the top of a mountain, to live among us.  We read here about how the “God the judge of all” (23) provides “Jesus the Mediator” (24).

“SEE THAT YOU DO NOT REFUSE HIM WHO SPEAKS.” (25)

From the halls of heaven to Mount Sinai, to Mount Zion, to our very hearts.  He is still speaking … are we really listening?

“Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God;  but exhort one another daily, while it is called ‘Today,’ lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.  For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end, while it is said: ‘Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.’”
Hebrews 3:12-15

Satan and Self Don’t Want Me to Listen

I crave solitude.  But I don’t always like quiet.  Whenever I am presented with the rare gift of being at home alone, the first few moments I bask in the silence.  But, soon I turn on music or find myself humming as I work.  I’ve even been known to turn on the radio or TV just for “background” noise.  I like to watch Netflix while I’m working on my menu plan, play the piano, listen to the radio in the van, talk to my Mom or a friend on the phone.

Satan would be thrilled if we are too busy – to ever listen to God.

Jesus died and rose again to have a relationship with us.  How would we like a friend who always talks but never listens?  I love to read my Bible, talk to God as soon as I wake up, talk to Him in the evening before bed, and those sweet moments alone with Him in the dead of night.  But, I rarely take time to truly listen to God.

Why?  Partly time constraints, and the reality of homeschooling two noisy boys.  But, also I think I have to admit, I am afraid of what He is going to tell me.  I’d rather listen to those who say what I want to hear.  What feels good and fits my agenda.  What sin is He going to uncover in my heart?  What is He going to ask me to do?  If I am willing, perfect Love, God Himself, will cast out every fear … replacing it with Himself.

“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.”
Romans 8:14

Make An Appointment with God

It’s time to make an appointment.  Otherwise, it may never come to pass.  Get out your day timer or gaze up at your family wall calendar in the kitchen.  Let’s schedule some time, 15-30 minutes, either this weekend or next week just to listen to I AM.  Begin your time by reading His Word and asking Him to speak to you.  Like Samuel, “Speak Lord, for your servant hears!” Then, let’s try to get into a habit of spending time every week, even 5-10 minutes daily, just to listen to Him.  We will be changed by His presence and His power.

The soothing rain and booming thunder draw me in, grabbing my attention and feeding my senses as I sit here talking with you.  Let’s let God’s powerful Self draw us in!  God, in His graciousness, makes Himself accessible to us.  While basking in the riches of His grace, let’s not forget Who He is … and that He wants our attention, our reverence, and our obedience.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”
Hebrews 10:27
by Categories: Bible Study, Fear, God Appointments, Obedience, Time Leave a comment

How to Counsel From the Bible – with Elyse Fitzpatrick

Last weekend I attended the “Revive Our Hearts – Women Helping Women Conference” in Schaumburg, Illinois.  On Saturday morning I was refreshed and inspired by Elyse Fitzpatrick in her workshop: How to Counsel From the Bible.  This is my first time to hear Elyse in person.  I own a few of her books, have heard her highly recommended, and I was greatly impacted by her Bible teaching at the conference.

Here is a brief introduction: Elyse has a Master’s Degree in Biblical Counseling, is a retreat and conference speaker, and has authored sixteen books.  You can find out much more about her at her website: www.elysefitzpatrick.com.

89ad5-elyse

Here is what stood out to me from what she said:

1.) We need to get away from the professional model (meet with me for 45 minutes and I’ll solve all your problems).  We do not have all the answers.  We do life together – as God brings situations into our lives, with God’s grace and help we help each other.

2.) Do you believe God’s Word is inerrant?  Sufficient?  God’s Word is both!  We tend to think we need the Bible plus something else.

3.) The Bible is imminently practical because it is what God wants us to know and portrays people as they really are (examples like Sarah and David teach us that God will use us in spite of our weaknesses in ways we can’t even imagine).  The Bible was written for very broken people being trained to help very broken people.

4.) WWJD (What Would Jesus Do) – Don’t tell me what Jesus would do until I have faith in what He has already done (death & resurrection).  “Every conversation where Jesus Christ is not mentioned is pointless.” – Calvin  … Be intentional in mentioning His name, in the context of what He has accomplished for us at Calvary and His triumph over sin and death.

5.) Unbelief is at the core of every sin: you feel that you are robbed of what you think you deserve, or He’s unable or uncaring (in our “you deserve a break today” society, this is a constant barrage of anti-God propaganda.  “If God really loved me I would have _______.”

6.) “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17).  She needs to hear the good news of Jesus Christ.  It is only through God’s Word that her faith will be built.  Only God can give her faith to believe!

7.) When you counsel from Scripture, it’s not all on you – this is God speaking, God convicting, God changing her.  Bring the truth to her and pray for God to work.

8.) Make your own chain reference in your Bible.  Do topical studies on anger, sadness, depression, strongholds, spiritual battle, the tongue … and write by the first verse a connection to the second and so on, to help you when you are counseling people.

9.) It’s okay to say, “I don’t know the answer, but I will prayerfully research and get back to you in 3-4 days.”

10.) Pray and ask God to lead you.

 

Specific Struggles

Anger

  • God transforms angry sinners.  Example: Paul …

“And I punished them often in every synagogue and compelled them to blaspheme; and being exceedingly enraged against them, I persecuted them even to foreign cities.” Acts 26:11

“But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children.” I Thessalonians 2:7

  • We all want to be God – we want our way in our timing.  The problems come in when we want _______ more than holiness, more than Christ.
  • Why do people fight?  Because they want _______ right now.  It’s not because Mom and Dad didn’t lead the family in devotions every night when you were a kid.
  • You will never be at rest until you find rest in God.
  • Also, see this key chapter addressing anger: James 4.

Fear/Worry

  • God transforms those who are fearful:  Example, Timothy …

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“And if Timothy comes, see that he may be with you without fear; for he does the work of the Lord, as I also do.” I Corinthians 16:10

  • Also, see Hebrews 13.
  • Heart of the issue: a lack of awareness of God’s love …

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I John 4:18

  • Do you know you are loved by God, deep in your heart?  REALLY loved?  You are welcomed by God!  And everything that comes to me, comes to me through the nail scarred hands, for my good and His glory.  Not punitive.  Suffering is always meant redemptively.  God says, this is good for your soul.
  • He is imminent – at hand.  Philippians 4:5-6 – preach the truth to yourself!  Pray in confidence because He’s right here.  If you had Jesus in your car, would you be worried about an accident?  Seriously?

 

Overindulgence

  • God transforms the overindulgent.  Example, the Corinthians …

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.  And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.”  I Corinthians 6:9-11

  • How would your life change if you KNEW you were loved?  righteous?  Because of Christ I am righteous right now.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

  • We need not fear the future – we are being guarded, as is our inheritance through Christ.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

“…who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” I Peter 1:5

  • How do I know I will be cared for?  Look at the cross of Jesus Christ.

 

Resources

I’ve not had the time to personally looked through every resource listed below.  Because these were recommended by Elyse, and she entirely emphasizes God’s Word in counseling (nouthetic counseling, as described in detail here), I have confidence in sharing these as potential resources.  As always, the Bible is our standard. Books

  • Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling: Changing Lives with God’s Changeless Truth by James MacDonald, Bob Kellemen and Stephen Viars
  • Counsel From the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christby Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson
  • Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People In Need of Change, Helping People In Need of Change by Paul David Tripp
  • Resources for Changing Lives – 27 booklets, about $1 each – addressing common issues biblically.  You can find them
  • Tim Lane books …
  • Women Counseling Women by Elyse Fitzpatrick
  • Women Helping Women: a Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish

Websites

Thank you for reading this article!  If you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear from you.  Praying that God will use something here to help you as you walk with God in your mission for Him.  Love, Sara

 

by Categories: Counseling, Mentoring Leave a comment

In Her Shoes – Military Wives

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust.”
Psalm 91:1-2 NKJV
 
This week we remember 9-11-2001 and the staggering losses our country and our world have suffered because of that tragedy.  Since then, many brave men and women have signed up to go into the difficult places around the world to protect us, to protect our country, and to promote freedom around the world. 

And they are not the only ones sacrificing.  Spouses and children back home go through unique struggles while their favorite mom or dad is away (think of all the parents and grandparents, siblings and close friends of our military who also sacrifice).  We owe them a great deal of gratitude and love-in-action.
Please join me for a walk in the shoes of three military wives.  There is much we can learn from them.  To those ladies who have shared, thank you for your service to God, to your families, and to our country!
 
Michigan

 

My husband has been serving in the Army/Army Reserve for 19 years.  We have survived a 14-month deployment in 2003-2004 and a 12-month deployment in 2009-2010, both in Iraq.  During the first deployment, we had two small boys.  At the beginning of the second deployment, we had 5 children between the ages of five months and ten years.  We were blessed with a sixth child last year.

Yes, the separation from hubby is overwhelmingly difficult.   That ranks as the highest difficulty, but near the top of the list would be mechanical breakdowns (vehicles, appliances, etc.).  Accompanying the difficulty of my husband being gone was the loss of emotional help and encouragement that normally I could look forward to at the end of a long day or week.  Just as wearing was the constant child care with no breaks, like trying to survive the bedtime and teeth brushing every single night with no help.

How do I cope?
#1.  Pray and pray and pray some more.  Many times as I asked for help with loneliness, my husband would be able to make a phone call that day.  Other times I would pray for help with something that had broken down, and a person would offer to help without even knowing I needed anything fixed.

#2.  Learn to ask for help.  I wanted to appear like I could handle this.  I didn’t want word to get over to my husband that things weren’t going well at home.  I learned to take people at their word who had offered to help, even if it had been a long time since they mentioned it. 

My children have learned to love the United States of America, to honor and appreciate soldiers, and to be proud of their Papa.  I, on the other hand, have learned to lean on the Lord and on others when circumstances are not as I would like. 

During the second deployment, I asked people to commit to choosing one of our children and then praying for that child every day for the entire deployment.  Many stepped up to the challenge, and it brought tears and thankfulness to my heart every time I read the cards that those people sent, promising to pray for this child or that child.  There were several who kept their promise and prayed for us daily for a whole year. 

Others blessed us with the gift of encouragement and help that was not asked for.  Some offered to bring a meal “for no reason at all.”  They just informed me that they were bringing food and asked what night they should bring it.  A couple men showed up regularly and took it upon themselves to make sure the riding mower was running and blades sharpened, to change the oil in the vehicles, and anything else around the place that needed done.  They didn’t wait for me to say I needed help, but guessed what I needed and took it upon themselves.

One special couple would invite our family to birthday parties for their children as a way to get me out of the house and to help with the children for the evening.  They understood what the military doesn’t understand.  The military  offers free babysitting at the YMCA, but I, as a Christian mom, didn’t feel comfortable leaving my children with just anyone.  So they gave me a break from the children in a way that I was comfortable with. 

We had a problem with church family and relatives trying to assume the job of Dad.  If one of the children would misbehave in public, they would discipline them or rebuke them “because their dad wasn’t there to do it.”  Military kids have a lot to deal with without others coming down hard on them.  On the same thought, some could not understand why all of a sudden our kids were either  hyper, upset, or getting into trouble in class or other places.  Children respond to worry about their military parent in all different ways, and the best thing you can offer a military child who is acting up is all the encouragement and understanding you can give. 

We were blessed with countless offers of help at the beginning of both deployments.  The unfortunate thing was that probably only 50% of those were still willing to help when I asked.  Either do not offer to help at all if you are too busy or not able, or offer to help and mean it with all your heart.  It was also a great blessing when people would offer to help regularly, even weekly.  This gave me a “non-guilty” opportunity to mention needs without feeling I was begging or bothering someone who was too busy. 

As hard as it is to swallow in the middle of a difficult circumstance like a deployment, God did not make a mistake when He deployed my husband.  Good will come of it if I allow Him to be glorified and to show His power.

A heartfelt “thank you” to the Bruck family!
 
 
Minnesota

 
My husband joined the Minnesota National Guard two years ago. He went to basic training for 3 months and to Officer Candidate School for 4 months. He will be gone again soon for 4 months to complete officer training. He also currently has a full-time job with the National Guard 2½ hours from home, so he is gone a lot. We have four children, ages 7, 5, 4, and 1 and are expecting #5 in Dec/Jan.
There’s the struggle of rejoining after a separation. The husband feels out of the loop and the wife is used to handling things on her own. It’s hard to readjust. 
I’ve struggled with trying to handle things on my own when my husband is gone, instead of asking for help. I’ve had to learn to humble myself and get help from church friends, so I can have a break from the kids, do shopping, have fellowship with friends, etc. Otherwise, I have felt so alone and like I can’t handle things by myself all the time.
My husband faces temptations he would probably never face otherwise. There are so many unsaved and immoral people in the military who have little to no character.
I am learning to rely on God and trust Him more. Things change so often in the military, you have to learn to be flexible and trust God to direct your lives.  I cope with God’s help and definitely involving other people in our lives. It may be having people over, having babysitters, getting together with family, having someone help with cleaning my house, etc. If I have a need, I’ve learned to ask for help and discovered that it’s not only blessing me, but what a blessing it can be to someone else that they were able to help me. When I can afford it, I have paid a babysitter once a week while I do all my errands and shopping.
It’s nice to see people appreciate my husband and thank him for his service. It opens up a new realm of people you would have never met otherwise. Financially, it has been a blessing to us.
I appreciate it when people ask how I’m doing and offer to help. One lady offered to come and read to my boys in the evening. Other people have offered to babysit. A lot of church people came to see my husband off for basic training. People sending letters or packages to my husband when he was gone. Pastor letting the church know when my husband is leaving and keeping them updated.
I asked my church for help when my husband was going to be gone for 4 months. I asked for a sign-up sheet and once a week someone to watch my kids for 3 hours or help clean my house. They were willing, but it would have been nice if someone had approached me first and asked how the church could help. And then when they made the sign-up sheet they put, “Tracie has asked that we . . .” I wish they would have said, “Our church would like to help Tracie in this way, while her husband is gone for military service.” I don’t know if that’s my pride, but it made me feel like I was imposing on people.
 
“All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful.”
Psalm 25:10
Don’t be too proud to ask for help. There are people out there who want to help you, and you deny them a blessing by saying no or by not asking. 

Special thanks to the Delich Family!


Washington

My experience in the military showed me two things. Just like every American, peacetime is a time to forget God. It’s not until things get rough, wartime, separation from loved ones that a person is most likely to look to or blame God for their circumstances.

Separation time is difficult for the military member but I believe it is even more difficult for the family left behind.

While I was stationed in Korea for a year, I had only been married for a little over one year. It was extremely difficult for me to have to leave my husband behind. I lost ten pounds within the first month and really felt disconnected. No one really wanted to be there, so there was no use complaining.

I remember some friends’ advice, “You will either grow or fall back spiritually during deployments. There is no ‘staying the same.'” They were right. I got connected with a local Bible study through the chapel and spent most of my free time with friends I had made there. I also had the opportunity to connect with a missionary outreach located just off base for uniformed personnel.

The worst thing that happened while there came from my own husband. He was having a real hard time dealing with this separation and all his phone calls were about his misery. It got to where I didn’t look forward to them anymore. There was nothing I could do and I told him he needed to focus on taking care of himself for now and just keep busy. That didn’t mean I didn’t love him. He made the decision to surround himself with people who believed personal happiness was king. He secretly considered divorce, so he might have a chance at happiness with someone else.

Fortunately, God protected me from knowing about it and I was able to grow spiritually during my tour and see other people through His eyes. I was on fire when I returned and ready to serve.

My advice: 1. Stay connected with those you love in the military no matter what their relationship is to you. Take advantage of every opportunity to communicate God’s love. This is the time they will be most open to receive it. Send Gifts!!!

2. Do not share every problem with a deployed member unless it is absolutely necessary. They are usually helpless to assist and will feel the need to do something. Lean on neighbors and friends for help whenever possible. Do include them in important decisions.”

Thank you, Lisa!

What about you?  What has been your experience as a military wife, daughter, mom, sister, aunt, or close friend?  How has God helped you through the difficult times?  We would love to hear from you.  Thank you for stopping by WOGM today.  May God help us lavishly minister to these brave families. 

Helpful Links:
American Bible Society: Reaching out to Military Families
Ministering to Military Families 



Free images of military families thanks to Photobucket.

by Categories: In Her Shoes, Military Leave a comment

How to Host a Church Ladies’ Luncheon In Your Home

 
“… distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.”
Romans 12:13 NKJV
 

A few years ago, when my oldest son was still a baby, I asked God what I could do to reach out to the women in my church.  An idea drifted in from Him regarding hospitality.  Thus began “Ladies Lunch at Sara’s.”

Three guidelines determined my plans:

     1.  Cover the entire event with prayer.
     2.  Invite three ladies at a time, making a group of four.
     3.  Keep it simple.

The Guests

I live 45 minutes from my church.  So most of our church ladies live near each other, down by the church.  It made me smile to think of ladies fellowshipping while driving to and from the event.  So, I whipped out my handy-dandy Church Directory (with photos) and started leafing through.  I made a few calls: some ladies had to work that day or had other plans.  But, eventually I came up with three hearty souls, willing to brave the drive.

Each luncheon I tried to choose at least one really talkative lady, so that there wouldn’t be a multitude of awkward silences.  I prayed over my guest list, asking God who He wanted to come, who needed to get better acquainted, and who needed encouragement.

My House

Our home is graced with a tiny dining room, and I was enthused to pull out my pretty dishes that I hardly ever use.  Remembering the many Swedish meals so lovingly served on the very same table, I joyfully decorated the worn-with-age table (covered with a pretty cloth) that had belonged to my grandparents.

I wanted to make the setting pretty and “girly” for this ladies day out.  But, I didn’t want it to be too fancy.  Sometimes I wonder if I made it too pretty (is that possible?) and so ladies didn’t feel like they could reciprocate because they didn’t feel like their luncheon would be similar to mine.  I hope that is not the case!  In the future I plan to keep it a bit more simple.

The Menu

Next came the menu – simple and delicious:

Chicken Salad or Chicken Caesar Salad
Crusty Cheesy Garlic Bread
Cherry Pie Fruit Salad or Fresh Fruit
Double Chocolate Pudding Cake with Vanilla Ice Cream
Tea/Coffee/Water

I prepared as much as I could ahead of time, and put it all together at the last minute.  Every luncheon I used the SAME menu.  This helped greatly in shopping for ingredients and preparing!  Tweaking the dishes caused them to get yummier each time I prepared them.

It seems like I also asked people ahead of time if they had any food allergies.  For sure I would do that now, since I am now gluten-intolerant and much more aware of such needs.  In case you are interested, I’ve posted my recipes below.

The Luncheon

Welcoming the guests was a joy.  My house isn’t tiny, nor it is huge.  One lady unknowingly made my day by calling my home “cozy like a cottage.”  My goal was to make my guests feel comfortable and to soothe their spirits with God’s tender loving care.  I wanted to honor them each as the precious souls they are, lovingly designed by God for a special purpose.

The unofficial schedule looked something like this:

Day Before

Set the table.  Cook the chicken.  Chill the cans of fruit for the fruit salad.  Place my crock-pot on the kitchen counter. Pray!

11:30     

Welcome the ladies & seat them in the family room while I finish small details.  Ask them if they would like something to drink.

11:40   

Invite the ladies to come to the table.  Sit down and pray together.  Eat!  I tried to balance the visit so no one woman monopolized the conversation.  My goal was to: curve away from gossip, try to point the conversation toward spiritual matters, get to know the ladies better, and have fun!

12:05     

Remove dirty dishes and serve dessert with hot tea and coffee.

12:20     

Retire to the family room for more conversation. 

After about another hour, eventually someone would say, “I think it’s time for us to go home.”  They always stayed just the right amount of time. 

Variations

The ladies luncheons worked perfectly during that stage of my life, because I timed the luncheon during my son’s nap.  Nowadays it would be a bit more challenging with sons ages seven and five, who are anxious to be part of anything involving food. 

Here are some ideas you could consider when tweaking this idea to fit your current stage of life:

1.  Join with another lady from your church and have the luncheon either at your house, her house, at a park, or at church.

2.  Buy similar sized baskets at a garage sale or thrift store.  Have a fancy “basket lunch” with simple items.  Line it with a cloth napkin.  Everything in the basket will taste delicious because it is in a fancy container and is shared with friends.  And there will be no last minute cooking, as well as simple clean-up.

3.  Include your children in the prayerful preparations.  They could be “chefs,” “waiters” or “waitresses” during the meal.  Tell them not to expect a tip, but plan a special time together for afterward: playing their favorite game, or take them out to ice cream and talk about how encouraged the ladies were by the time together.

4.  Plan for a larger group potluck.  You could announce a theme: salad potluck, dessert potluck, chocolate potluck, garden bounty potluck, pizza potluck (veggie pizza, fruit pizza, “real” pizza, and dessert pizza!), picnic baskets, etc. 

5.  Ask ladies to bring a “show-and-tell” item: something that is special to them to talk about to the group.

6.  No matter what, plan to include Christ in your party.  Write Bible verses on slips of paper and set them around the table.  Have a list of questions, some off-the-wall silly and others more spiritual in nature, to ask around the table during lunch.  Share a brief devotional.  Ask the group, “What has God been doing in your life?” and see where the conversation leads.  Inquire about prayer needs and pray together as a small group. 

7.  Prepare a small token of friendship to give them when they leave.  Keep it inexpensive and simple!  It could be a flower with a verse attached with a curly ribbon.  Or it could be a Bible verse magnet for their refrigerator.  How about a Dollar Store doily tied with pretty bowMaybe it could be a craft made by you and/or your children.

8.  Consider this part of your children’s education.  They can learn much about hospitality, socializing, manners, serving, and the delight of ministering to others through hosting a ladies’ luncheon.

9.  Mail each of the ladies a note, thanking them for coming and telling them what you appreciate about them.  Don’t forget to add an uplifting Bible verse.

Conclusion

When I became pregnant with our second child and was very sick most of the time, ladies luncheons could not continue.  I miss them and hope I can do it again someday.  As I look back on the five – six groups of ladies I had in my home, over the span of a few months, I thank God for the rich memories and treasured moments of encouragement He allowed us to enjoy. 

Sometimes ladies forgot to say thank you, while others brought a hostess gift or wrote a thank you note afterward.  I was touched to tears by one widow who sent a note describing the luncheon as “a highlight of her life.”  A few times I was sad because I did not receive an invitation back, but so much greater was the overwhelming joy that came from serving God and others!

Perhaps God is calling you to a ministry of hospitality in your home.  Keep it simple and God-centered, and you can’t go wrong!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Recipes

Chicken Salad (a yummy college home-economics class recipe – 6 servings)
2 cups chicken, cooked and diced
1/8 tsp. salt
1 cup celery, chopped
1 cup pineapple chunks, halved
12 black olives, halved
4 Tbsp. slivered almonds, toasted (browned in saucepan for 4 minutes)
1/2 cup mayo
Lettuce – 1 head

Chill plates (or serve right away out of the refrigerator).  Toss chicken and salt.  Add pineapple, celery, olives and mayo.  Lightly toss – don’t overwork.  Serve over lettuce – garnished with sliced almonds. 

Chicken Caesar Salad (from my dear friend, Barbara – 6 servings)
2 cups chicken, cooked and diced
1/2 – 3/4 cups parmesan cheese
1 bottle Classic Caesar Kraft dressing
14 grape tomatoes, halved
Italian croutons

Toss first three ingredients together lightly.  Top with tomatoes and croutons.  Be sure all the ingredients are served well-chilled.

Crusty Cheesy Garlic Bread (source unknown)
3/4 stick of butter, melted
3 TBSP. dried chives
2 TBSP. minced garlic
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
1/8 tsp. salt
1 loaf Italian bread

Combine the first five ingredients and brush on sliced Italian bread (3/4″ slices).  Broil for 5 minutes or until golden brown.  Serve warm in a basket, wrapped in a cloth towel or napkin.

Cherry Pie Fruit Salad (source unknown)
1 can cherry pie filling
1 can sliced peaches
1 can sliced pear
1 can apricots
1 can pineapple chunks
Optional: blueberries, strawberries, grapes

Drain canned fruit and place all fruit in a large bowl.  Stir together and chill.  Just before serving, pour it into a clean bowl so it will look fresh and pretty.  Serve in small dishes or ramekins.

Crockpot Double Chocolate Pudding Cake (from my college friend, Jen … a chocolate lover’s dream come true!)

Mix:                                   
1 cup all purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
3 TBSP. unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt

Stir in:
1/2 cup milk
3 TBSP. melted butter
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Place batter in 3 1/2 quart crock-pot. 
In another bowl, mix:
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

Sprinkle over batter in crockpot.  Gently pour 1 2/3 c. hot water over the top.  DO NOT STIR!  Cover and cook on high 1 3/4 – 2 hours.  Do not cook on low.  Serve with ice cream.

by Categories: Church, Friendship, Hospitality, Ministry Ideas, Recipes Leave a comment