Category: In Her Shoes

In Her Shoes – Missionary to South America

 
“Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You” (Psalm 119:11). What an amazing verse! I have a Bible study on Wednesday afternoons with two ladies from my neighborhood and this was one of the verses that we studied today as we studied about the importance of reading God’s Word daily.


When we started this Bible study, both ladies were unsaved and very embraced in their Catholicism. Over the course of a year, slowly, ever so slowly, God’s Word began to work in their hearts and eventually both of these dear ladies asked Jesus Christ to forgive them of their sins and become their Savior. Wow! Do I like being a missionary wife??? I LOVE being a missionary wife! I get to do this all the time!

My husband and I left the United States fourteen years ago to go to language school and frankly, I was scared to death. For my husband it was a breeze. He, being a missionary kid, was returning “home” for his dream come true of being a full time missionary. I, on the other hand, had dreamed of living next door to my parents and was only going to the mission field out of complete obedience to God because He had directly called me to serve Him in this way.

The first four years of serving as a missionary were very hard for me. In obedience to God I returned with my husband for our second four year term. This term was awesome! I saw God use me in small ways, and I saw God use my husband in HUGE ways! We returned to the States for a year break, and I began to beg God that he would “really” use my life and my children’s lives to draw people to Jesus Christ. God was already using my husband in amazing ways. With a passion I wanted God to use my children and me to reach the unsaved.

When we cry out to God, He answers. February 2010 we started our third term. God moved us into a neighborhood where everyone knows each other. Being a runner, I quickly became known as the “Gringa” that runs every day. God placed on my husband’s and my heart to start a church right in our neighborhood. He provided the building and now after a year and a half we have about ninety to one hundred people coming each Sunday. Many of these people are still not saved, but God is working in their hearts. There is so much to do. The needs are so overwhelming; but the awesome thing is that God is not just using my precious husband to reach the unsaved but He is using me also.


Just wait, that is not all … God has so blessed my life because He is using my dear children also. On Sunday afternoons, my oldest son and I have a Bible study with two boys his age from our church. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to my Lord for this privilege. To watch my son speak so gracefully in Spanish and to listen to him answer their questions with such knowledge is a beautiful gift from my God.

On Sunday after our Bible study with these two young men, my son looked at me and said, “I do think that I would like to be a pastor.” He then with a laugh said, “That is after I am a professional soccer player.”

Soccer. Now there is a story. For years my husband and I prayed for a soccer ministry. We never dreamt that we would reach soccer players thru the life of our son. Our oldest son started playing competitive soccer at age four. Three years ago, he joined a very competitive team that plays all year and practices every day but Sunday.  In 2011, thru his testimony and our family’s testimony ten of his soccer friends accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. Many of these boys would come to our house and stay the entire weekend. It was amazing. In that same year different teammates began living with us. This gave us amazing opportunities to disciple these boys. This continues to this day as one of his teammates still lives with us. This young man was saved a year ago and continues to grow while being a part of our family on a daily basis.
In January, our son had to train in a town about twenty-two hours away. As he and his teammates were loading the bus, a mom came running over to our son. With tears in her eyes she begged our son to tell her son about Jesus. She said, “He listens to you, please don’t stop telling him about Jesus. He will listen to you.” Two weeks after returning from his trip this young man came to our son at practice one day and said, “I finally asked Jesus to be my Savior and it was because of you and all you said to me.” AMEN!!! 

　


Do I wish to live next door to my parents? Yes. Do I wish to have a Target down the road? Yes. Do I wish to be able to take my kids on fancy, fun vacations? Yes. Would I trade my life for all that. NO, not at all! I LOVE serving the Lord on the mission field and I will forever be thankful that God has given me this life!!!

(Update: “The Bible study on Sunday afternoon that I spoke of that I do with my oldest son … the two boys in that study got saved on Sunday after the study.  It was awesome.”)

 
 
by Categories: In Her Shoes, Missions Leave a comment

In Her Shoes – Single Missionaries

  
     “For God is not unjust to forget
         your work and labor of love which
            you have shown toward His name,
                in that you have ministered to the
                     saints, and do minister.”  Hebrews 6:10
“I will follow God anywhere … except to Africa!”  Have you, or someone you know, ever put stipulations on following God?  I have.  Whether it has to do with bugs, snakes, family, finances, or a million other things, certain places are a “no go” for many Christians. 
Over the years I have pushed on the missionary door several times: missions trips here in the USA and to Eastern Europe, dated some fine foreign-mission-field-bound young men in college, and after college pursued full-time mission work with a mentor of mine in Africa.  And each time, God has in His almighty wisdom, closed those doors. He faithfully opened, and continues to open, other doors.  His best doors for me.  And He is always there to walk through them with me.  On a few occasions, of course, He has had to drag me through the door kicking and screaming – only for me to find out in the end that He, of course, was right!
A friend of mine who has served God faithfully for years as a foreign missionary, recently told me she felt convicted to surrender to do something she saw as more daunting than planning, packing, flying, and serving overseas: teaching children’s church.  It has been a joy to see God bless her efforts as she shares God’s love and truth with children in our church.
Wherever God leads us, and however He chooses to stretch us, we can be certain of this rock solid truth . . .    


“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10


“He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.”


I Thessalonians 5:24
 

From the moment they heard God’s call, until this very hour, each of the following women on God’s mission testify to God’s faithfulness.  Their faith-in-action amazes me.  Even more incredible is the power of our wonderful God shown through each one of them.  Without further ado, let’s take a walk “In Her Shoes” . . .

Africa and North America 
My missionary journey is different than most as I had a husband and four children, and was widowed at the age of forty-four. Since I had not attended college, I needed to further my education. I was accepted on the basis of my high school transcript, attended pre-nursing in the town where I was living, and transferred to another university to get my nursing degree when my younger daughter left to go to college.

The ladies in my church had been praying for someone to go help a nurse who was working alone in Liberia. The Lord prepared me to be the one who would go. Five months after I arrived in Liberia my co-worker was called home due to her mother’s serious illness.
I had worked as a nurse in Liberia for two terms when a civil war broke out in the country. We had to be evacuated. I was due for furlough that year and the mission decided that anyone who was due for furlough should make plans to return to the United States.  So I came back home for a year. When the year was completed, it was not safe to go back to Liberia, so the Lord led me to Cote d’Ivoire (Ivory Coast). We worked with an interpreter in both Liberia and Cote d’Ivoire as there are several African languages in each country.


There were many challenges, but God does not ask us to do anything that He does not enable us to do. Much of the time in Liberia we worked without electricity or running water. The medical emergencies were a challenge, as well as the roads we had to travel to take them to the nearest hospital which was thirty-six miles away. God gave wisdom, strength and safety for each day.
 

One of the blessings were the letters we received from those who wrote faithfully to assure us of their prayers. God answered in ways we could not have imagined.

One of the qualifications of being a missionary is to be flexible. You will be asked to do things that are not in your “job description.” He also leads one step at a time. When you take that step, He shows you the next one.

Malaria was also a challenge for me (in spite of faithfully taking the preventative medication). So when I left Cote d’Ivoire, I asked to be placed in the U.S. God led me to Great Falls, Montana to work with Native Americans.

The best way to encourage single missionaries is to write to them, and let them know you are praying for them, whether they are at home or on the field. God has also instructed us to pray the Lord of the harvest to send forth laborers into His harvest. They will be encouraged to know you are doing that, too.

North America

Most of these thoughts come from my time in Alaska, but there are still times here in the Midwest when I am very busy meeting with students, and I wished that I had someone to share the problems with and the joys. Now, I do have a special “adopted Mom” who lives nearby that I can talk to about anything, and I am so thankful for that. That is something that is so needed.

I thank the Lord for the students He has given me to work with over these years. Even though I don’t have the spiritual fellowship with most of them, I have opportunities to share the Word with them, or show hospitality, or help them & this helps me also.  

Holidays can be lonely, as well as birthdays. I had a couple I worked with, but they also had their own family. People don’t even send cards very much any more. I enjoy getting cards with notes in them about what the person has been doing or about their church. Sending notes (even by email today) can be encouraging & especially if the person has told you they are praying for you. Sometimes we never even hear from supporting churches – even when there is a pastoral change.

This might sound strange and might not just be single missionaries, but single gals everywhere. It’s just that it is harder to get things done away from the Lower 48. I lived alone, and if I needed something to be fixed, I couldn’t always ask my co-worker and you can’t always just call a repairman. Sometimes you just ask the Lord for wisdom and/or strength to get it done. Digging out from three feet of snow isn’t easy, or when a tree fell on my trailer. I don’t want to sound like complaining, because God often provided help in various forms.

Since there was just this couple and I starting a work, the man often thinks the single gal has much more time to do things than his wife, so he gives her more things to do. They forget we still have to do laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning along with all the ministry things.

One thing I missed, is that I never got to know my nieces and nephews. Even when home on furlough I would only see them for a very short time. And now, I still don’t have a very close relationship with most of them.

During lonely times and trials, it helps to have someone to pray with me and I can pray with them about theirs. Now that I am older, it is difficult to fit in with those my age as most are married and a single person makes an uneven number. I hope to be able to attend church adult fellowships, when they don’t conflict with ministry responsibilities.
 

Africa

I grew up on the mission field as an MK (missionary kid). West Africa became my home, my love. I was very wisely advised, though, to not return to the mission field because it was more comfortable, but to be sure God was calling me there. Attending Bible college reinforced my desire to serve the Lord, and He made it clear He wanted me to teach. All through college, I was heavily involved in Student Missions Fellowship and even went on a short-term missions trip. But it wasn’t until after I taught for a few years in Colorado that God made it clear that I could teach overseas … that He could use me in the same capacity but a different location.

Being a single female missionary on deputation was just plain HARD. Making phone calls and sending out information, trying to get meetings (but not preach!), certainly required a lot of trust in the Lord and courage and strength that only He could give! I was also “accused” of not being a “real” missionary, since I was “only” teaching (and not directly involved in church planting). I was given many opportunities to display God’s grace and keep my mouth shut! God provided support through mostly individuals instead of churches and I spent seven years serving Him in Côte d’Ivoire and Niger.

Once I arrived on the mission field, the tables were turned. I lived on a compound/campus where there were as many single missionaries as there were couples! As a single person, I found I had more time for the students outside the classroom. For the first four years, I taught 5thgrade, but God also gave me a very rewarding mentoring ministry with some of the middle and high school students in the afternoons, evenings, and weekends—time I wouldn’t have had as much of if I’d had a family to take care of. 

When civil war chased me from that ministry (twice), God moved me to Niger and a very different ministry. Being a single woman in a Muslim country was a much more difficult ministry, both socially and emotionally. No longer living on a compound made it even harder, so I appreciated the families who included me in meals and social activities.
I never felt issues of single vs. married on the field. My co-workers treated me as an equal. My best friends were married women. I was always an important part of the team. It was coming back on furlough that I dreaded, facing all the extremes of church presentations.
In one of my churches, I would speak in adult Sunday school, then children’s church, show my slides/presentation in the evening service, and speak to a women’s Bible study—all in one weekend! At another church, I was in the basement with the kids and MAYBE gave my testimony in “big” church. As much as I love children’s ministries, they aren’t the ones who are sending me to the mission field! Please include your single missionaries as a vital part of your missionary team. No, we can’t preach, but we have so much to share about what God is doing around the world!
How can you best serve/minister to single missionaries? Communicate with them. Email and facebook make that sooooo much easier now! Care packages with treats from “home” are such an encouragement, too. When we’re visiting your church, give us a chance to share our hearts—with women, children, and even the whole congregation. A five minute testimony isn’t enough. Remember that we are human, too, and need friends and acceptance and prayer and encouragement. God can use ANYONE and EVERYONE! 


Africa
 

As a single missionary to Cameroon, God is teaching me much. It is true that the foremost reason missionaries leave the field is because of interpersonal problems. So, yes, I struggle with keeping the balance between depending on men to help me with various things such as car problems, home maintenance, and spiritual leadership in the villages, etc. and doing things on my own to avoid dependence.



Most often the men helping me are single Christian nationals who need work. They are dear brothers struggling to grow in the Lord. It is difficult as a single woman when the missionary men are so busy, and their wives do not lead. So, any decisions and communication usually must first go through the wife who then defers to her husband.

However, being single, for me, also means at times living with, or at least very closely to the nationals. Hence, I often know and hear things that the missionary families do not know. This has its advantages and disadvantages: advantages in that I learn much more about the people and their culture, but sometimes disadvantages in knowing of probllems in the Body of Christ and trying to help bridge the gap between the understanding of the nationals and the missionaries.


At times, I have had to teach on the home and family because the others were too busy to do so, or answer questions from national believing leaders because there were no mature Christian men around to do so.



My heart naturally yearns for a companion and leader, but these unmet desires must be met in Christ, the One Who has promised to supply all that I need. When He sees that I NEED a husband, He will provide. Until then, He is all that I need.


As Isaiah says too, the children of the barren are more than the married wife. How true! I frequently have 15 to 20 kids at my door, and must deal with their sicknesses, quarrels, etc., as their parents often leave them for the whole day to work in the farms.



I have been attacked by bandits in my home, have been stranded in very remote places, and more, but God has always been and will continue to be faithful to me, and I have seen that truly, safety is of Him! Ladies, others will fail you, but God never will. We can depend on Him all of the time. He uses times of trial to draw us to Himself and learn more of Him. The waters, and rivers, and fire are ways that we come to know our Lord more intimately – Isaiah 43:2. It is the greatest joy for me to serve the Lord here in Cameroon, the place and the people to whom God has called me to minister. I would not trade it for anything.

“That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;” Philippians 3:10 (KJV)


. . . . . . . . . .

Heartfelt thanks to our sisters in Christ who contributed to this article – your beautiful hearts are a blessing! 

by Categories: In Her Shoes, Missions, Single Women 1 Comment

In Her Shoes – The Pastor’s Wife

“And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake.”
I Thessalonians 5:12-13
My first memory of a pastor’s wife is of Mrs. Ben Strohbehn who was helping me in my duty as a five-year-old flower girl.  She gently instructed me: “Stand tall, like there is a string on the top of your head pulling you up.”  Undoubtedly, helping children in a wedding was just one small item on her list of countless responsibilities (most of them never formally listed in a job description).


While growing up, I never guessed that a woman married to a pastor had a life any different from my mother who was married to a realtor.  A pastor’s wife was always at church, always dressed nicely, and always smiling.  That’s about all I knew of her.   I took every pastor’s wife for granted until both of my sisters married pastors, and then I began to have a far greater appreciation for those in full-time ministry.


Since women married to pastors often face things we never realize and carry unique burdens about which they never complain, it would be difficult for them to share publicly without causing offense and possibly hindering their ministry (or that of their husband).  Therefore, I proposed a venue where they could share anonymously from their hearts.



Seven friends of mine who are married to pastors volunteered to contribute to this article.  Two of these dear women have been my pastor’s wife at some point in my life.  I am extremely grateful for the impact they have had and continue to have in my life.  Thank you, Ladies!  Your gifts of time and transparency are priceless.


To you who are married to a pastor:  Thank you for your faithful service!  I hope you will be encouraged as you read these testimonies.  You are not alone!  There are many women like you who understand and care about you.  And there are many of us who are not married to a pastor who want to minister to you and be a true friend.  Please feel free to add your comments below!  We would love to hear from you.

To you who are not married to a pastor:  Thank you for being willing to learn how to better encourage your pastor’s wife.  As you read, ask God to help you grow in your understanding of how to bless your pastor and his wife.  There are wonderful ideas below, many of which you can easily implement right away in your local church body.  You can be an incredible encouragement to your pastor’s wife today!


Alabama
1.  I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife. In fact, I really never felt qualified to be one. But when God called my husband to be a pastor, guess what!? He called me, too. Pastors and their wives are just real people being obedient to God’s direction.
2.  I really do need a close friend or two. The whole concept that I can’t  have best friends or I’m playing favorites is not realistic. I try very hard to love everyone, but I really do need to be able to have a friend I can just hang out with once in a while.

3.  My husband says it’s harder to be the pastor’s wife than the pastor. He can choose to address or confront criticisms or negative remarks if he thinks it is biblically right to do so. I don’t always have the freedom he does. I think he’s right. Oh, and I know my kids will also do something wrong. (My 5-year-old really did stick her tongue out at the head deacon and then run into the girls bathroom.)

4.  When you get mad at me, it hurts.  I’m not superhuman.

5.  Being the wife of the shepherd means I get to help carry the responsibility that God has given him. While it often comes with some (large) challenges, it is the greatest privilege I could ever imagine. Though I never aspired to it, I can’t imagine doing anything else. I am so thankful God knew what was best for me. I pray that I will be a blessing to our church family and sensitive and obedient to my loving heavenly Father.


Colorado
 

I had the joy and privilege of being a Pastor’s wife back when we still lived in the Midwest 10 years ago, and also an Associates Pastor’s wife of a Native American church back in 98, so, my experience isn’t “recent” but hopefully, still valuable. 😉 Both experiences also unfortunately weren’t very long and both were stressful, since my husband was bi-vocational! (Very tough, when also raising a family and going to school, along with a 50 hour work week on top of it, and small churches, where the Pastor is expected to be everything to everyone! Tough….but we learned soooo much!)


Loved being the Pastor’s wife and getting to help encourage everyone and pray for everyone, and listen to their hearts, and help motivate them and cheer them on, so to speak, and help wherever I was needed and then some. Being in ministry has always been my heart’s desire, along with being a wife and mother, so it was truly a blessing!

However, being involved in smaller churches in both situations, I was also expected to be and do everything, along with raising our children and supporting my husband, etc. It can be fun and also very lonely at the same time. Who does the Pastor or his wife go to when they have a problem and are in need of counsel? Since every one’s expectations are so high of you, it’s hard to let them down, so you just continue “doing it all” and it’s hard sometimes to just be honest and admit, you really can’t do it all and are in need of help and encouragement yourself! Ya know what I mean? We were still human! But felt sometimes that we had to be “super human”!

All these years later, God has grown me in soooo many ways and I am NOT the same person I was then…thankfully…and I am still hoping that God allows us to be back in the ministry again…full time…not bi-vocational this time!!! And I will definitely do things differently and with my new perspective and all that God has done to change me over the years, it will be even more joyous this next time around I believe!

I would soooo encourage a new young pastor’s wife to just be herself…be totally honest from the start, with love and grace of course. But to also let everyone know she will do her best by the power of the Holy Spirit, but is still human, so please remember to extend grace to her (me) as well. Let’s work together in this ministry…everyone using their gifts to edify the saints, and not being “territorial” about certain ministries, etc…love one another, pray for one another, encourage one another…be about “one another”…

Pastors and their wives need encouragement and prayer more than anyone can even begin to realize! They need to be lifted up and appreciated, because it is such a thankless “job” sometimes and the hours are long and hard, and no one realizes just how much time they do put in and how many sacrifices they do make!
In both of my experiences, I was able to let people in to really get to know me and that was a huge positive…they knew that I absolutely LOVED purple, I collected tea-pots, and loved relationships and getting together with women to talk over a cup of coffee…in my case…tea. 😉I was vulnerable and transparent and they loved that about me…that was especially interesting with the Native American women! lol!

Get to know your pastor’s wife…know her favorite color and favorite flower or favorite Starbucks drink and then surprise her one day by bringing her a bouquet of flowers, along with her favorite coffee/tea drink! Or her favorite movie or book or take her out to lunch at her favorite place…offer to watch her children, if they are younger, so she and her husband can go on a date and just have some beautiful, uninterrupted time, just the 2 of them! Send her a card, an email or a text telling her just how special she is and how much you appreciate her! Soooo many things you can do to just let her know you care and love her and are glad she is your pastor’s wife!


The bottom line is…as women especially…we all need to feel loved and accepted and your pastor’s wife is no exception!!! Love on her and pray for her every day all the time!!! Ask God to bless her bountifully! Treat her like a queen! Most that I know, unfortunately, are treated like everything else but this…so sad…and ministry is just plain hard, no matter how you look at it, but it can also be the biggest blessing in your life and bring you such overwhelming joy that you can’t even contain it!!! I would rather be the “joy” to my Pastor and wife and NOT the “burden!”


Iowa
 


A few things I meditate on to be put into practice:  Count it all joy! Give thanks in all things! If any of you lack wisdom…ask!  Count my things as rubbish! Will it matter in eternity?

Feel like you live in a fish bowl? If people see me at home not dressed up, with no make up, in work clothes cleaning cupboards, laundry on the couch … good! I am normal and have a real family life. They will be more comfortable with me and not afraid of what I expect at their homes.  The Lord sees me all the time! He is more important!

Feel like you live in a fish bowl… Praise the Lord. People need to see that real life happens to pastors families and how we handle it. Paul said Watch me and do as I do.

Practical Tips:

Expect and be ready for unexpected dinner and house guests and last minute surprises or needs!  Come up with a couple of simple meals, dishes that you can keep supplies on hand. Dishes that take little prep. It doesn’t need to be fancy. Even a can of slices peaches with some Tang sprinkled in it is a treat for those who are hurting.

Keep a supply of sample toiletries on hand. If you can have a set of clean sheet, towels and a basket of basic needs handy.

Make those surprises easy on your self by thinking ahead and be as ready as you can for the unexpected. People will be more at ease if they are made to feel that you are not put out by there arrival or need.

My time: It is NOT my time it is the Lord’s.
  I must keep Titus 2 in mind.  The Lord tells me to teach the younger women to love their husband, be discreet, sober how to care for children and the home.

Also, I am to obey MY husband and the Lord.  If I keep that in mind it will help keep me from becoming overwhelmed by tasks and time users that take me away from what the Lord and my husband say I am to do.

I can even put pressure on myself to do things believing that it is from the Lord but if my husband does not agree then it is not the time.  I am my husband’s wife just as other wives. I am not the assistant pastor.  My life will be easier if I keep this in mind and remember that every request for me to do something does not have to be done by me. 



Iowa


 


When I was seven years old, as I was seated on a comfy chair in our church’s fellowship lounge, my pastor, his wife and their two children walked past me in Mother Goose order, just like a Norman Rockwell painting. Mrs. Mark was young, beautiful, and wore a pillbox hat and matching gloves. Pastor Mark was neat, gentle and strong. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to be a pastor’s wife. 


 


The life in a pastor’s household seems, well, glamorous, fulfilling, happy; but you already know what’s coming to the naïve seven-year-old when she grows up and becomes one. Leadership Life always looks glamorous from the outside. It looks entirely different from within.


 


After over 25 years in the ministry, I can tell you that Leadership Life is a lonely life. After all, the sheep interact with one another, eat together, rest together, play together. The shepherd watches, feeds, guides and corrects. They do not look at their shepherd the same way they look at each other. And do you think that they would look at the shepherd’s wife as one with the sheep or one with the shepherd? The “pillbox hat and matching gloves” that you see on your pastor’s wife cover someone who is just like you ~ a dirty, filthy rotten forgiven sinner trying to handle the same challenges, temptations and stresses as you are.


 


Pastors and teachers are to “equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God…”  (Ephesians 4:12,13). That’s a tall order. Leadership Life is a life full of endless, hard work. Being limited by time and the overwhelming pull of various responsibilities, you can make sure your pastor and his wife are not fulfilling this particular function alone by a) participating in the training that God asks your pastor to give you, b) by helping them “visit the orphans and widows in their trouble… “ (James 1:27), and c) make sure that you are actively using the spiritual gift God has given you to contribute to the health and profit of the local body (I Corinthians 12:4-31).


 


Leadership Life is a serious life (Hebrews 13:17). If you think that the man responsible for “watching for your souls, as they that must give account” is a happy-go-lucky guy, you need to adjust the focus on that microscope of yours. You can do much to contribute to your pastor’s ability to watch over the souls of your congregation with “joy, and not with grief.” That should be the caveat when you are ministering to your pastor’s wife. After all, they are “one flesh,” so if you minister to her, you are ministering to him, and vice versa.


 


The following are some tips for increasing your pastor and his wife’s joy:


 


1.) When you introduce her to others, do not introduce her as your “pastor’s wife.” Introduce her as your friend. The title “pastor’s wife” does not imply any amount of intimacy, which is the exact thing that your pastor’s wife desires. If you must refer to her as your pastor’s wife (being proud of her and the role she has in your life), be sure to include the lovely, complimentary term of “friend.


 


2.) It is always a surprise to me when I am speaking one-on-one with an individual that acts stiff or unnatural. Then my heart falls when I remember why. I am the pastor’s wife. Please, do not walk on eggshells in the presence of your pastor’s wife. Forget her “title” and see a woman who has a similar story to your own. Get to know her as a real person who can be a kindred spirit as you both learn and grow in the Lord.


 


3.) There have been days when all I wanted was to go out for lunch with a friend and be a normal person without me being the one to do the inviting. Without me being the one to lead in a prayer of thanks before eating. It is a dream-come-true for a pastor’s wife to laugh, to enjoy a tête-à-tête, to roll her eyes… to feel comfortable and to be someone with whom a friend can be comfortable.


 


4.) One of the best things you can do for your pastor’s wife is to ease the work load of your pastor. As a family, go into your pastor’s office and say, “Pastor, we love you and appreciate you as our spiritual shepherd. We see that you are working really hard. What can we do with you or for you that can ease your load in ministry? Can we pray together about how we can aid you and what ministries God would have us be involved in here at church?”

 


5.) Do not expect to have a personal relationship with your pastor. Fulfill that desire by having a personal relationship with a) your pastor’s wife and/or b) your husband. Your pastor and his wife hold the same views and she knows her husband’s heart, but if a friendship with his wife is not enough, your connection with your pastor is through your husband. If you want to know your pastor’s opinion about work you have done, work you will do, or share dreams you may have for the church, etc., talk to your husband first. Go to your pastor together (either with your husband or with your pastor’s wife) to receive guidance or affirmation. “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23). Your pastor is working hard to remain pure in his thought life and in his daily decisions. Help him in that endeavor.


 


6.) Your pastor and his wife know when you and/or your family are missing from activities and services. Your absence never goes unnoticed. Your presence is always a morale-booster. If you are not able to attend occasional activities, let your pastor know so he will not misunderstand your absence as misplaced priorities. If you cannot regularly attend any of the services, have a meeting with your pastor to discuss it so he will not take your absence as a personal aversion to his ministry


 


7.) Please remember this, a pastor’s wife desires that her children are treated no differently than any other children in your local church. Expectations should be the same across the board. Did you know that the pastor’s family is a dysfunctional family? We are ALL dysfunctional families because ALL our families are filled with sinners, every one, at different stages of spiritual maturity. The descriptive word “impeccable” belongs to the Lord only. Also, what you expect from the pastor’s family, you must also expect from yourself and your family. “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).


 


8.) Your pastor and his wife are in the ministry to impact lives spiritually. If they have impacted your life or the life of someone you love, tell them. That may be the one thing that God uses to keep your pastor from resigning come Monday morning. Your husband, brother, father, could give your pastor a phone call to give him a big “thank you” when something specific is especially appreciated. Have the pastor’s family over to dinner and tell them so as well. Often.



It is usually the pastor’s wife that determines the tenor of relationships between her and the people in her local church. The congregation tends to watch, wait and then respond; but that is a different topic to discuss altogether. This article is for you. Not your pastor’s wife. Take it upon yourself to “do what you can” as Mary did when she anointed the feet of Jesus. She went out of her way and made a sacrifice to minister to Him (Matthew 14:8). When you take care of the needs of your pastor’s wife, you are ministering to the Lord (Matthew 25:45).

Maryland
I met my husband in graduate school, and we dated a little, but I didn’t think that the timing was right. He graduated and moved on, but we kept in touch a very little. About 6 years later, he stopped to see me as he was traveling to Oregon to take his first church as a pastor. We talked, and we began “dating” long distance. We were married 8 months later and I became an instant pastor’s wife!
 
I don’t feel like my life changed drastically as far as ministry goes, because I grew up in a ministry family, and I was teaching in a Christian school. But I have gained a new perspective that I never had before, of the heartaches and joys that a pastor experiences.
 
I learned that Mondays are often “down” days for pastors because of all that they expend on Sundays. Funny story–Often on Mondays, my husband would bemoan that he was inadequate, ineffective, incompetent, and any other “i” word he could think of! I would always try to cheer him up and encourage him–like a good pastor’s wife should do, right? Well, after some months, I guess I was also having a “down” day, too, and when he started with his “i” words, I replied, “Yes, you are”! He surely wasn’t expecting that! I learned that I always need to be careful of how (and when) I “encourage” him that way!
 
For those ladies who are going to be pastors’ wives . . . 
 
1. Prepare yourself by being a student of the Bible. Learn how to use the Word of God to solve your problems and how to teach/counsel/disciple others to do the same. But first the Word of God must be at home in your own heart and life.
 
2. TALK with your husband or husband-to-be. My husband has always given me the freedom to say “No” to a ministry, even if he is the one who asks me. He lets the church know up front that my primary ministry is as his wife, and he does not expect more of me than he does of any other church member. You do not need to do every ministry or fill in every hole in your church. And you are not the Assistant Pastor. You are/will be the pastor’s WIFE–first and foremost you are his wife, and then perhaps a mother. Don’t lose your family at the expense of the ministry. On the other hand, involve your children in ministry as often as you can–but teach them to minister out of a heart of love.
 
I wish that the women in the churches we have ministered in would have known how to care for a pastor and his family.
 
For church ladies . . .
 
1. The new (or even old) pastor’s wife will likely be hesitant about forcing herself on you and your friendships, but she will need friends too. As much as you may tell her she is welcome to drop in or call, YOU still need to invite her or call her, so she will know that she really is welcome. Don’t expect her to make the first move into your established family and friendships.



2. Realize that the pastor really does work more than just on Sundays and Wednesdays. You will not ever know how much time and energy he puts into his “job” because it is his calling, and he can’t get away from it. Even on vacations, he will be thinking about your church and praying for your family and studying the Word of God so that God can minister to him and then he can minister to you. My husband seriously had someone ask him what he did all day–didn’t he have all his sermons done? Really?


3. Also, please remember special days–not just birthdays and anniversaries, but also anniversary of his ordination, or anniversary of his service to your church, and October Pastor Appreciation. And do it up BIG! Make a big deal of your pastor and his family.

4. And whatever your heartaches, struggles, disappointments are–remember that your pastor’s wife has those same heartaches, struggles, and disappointments, perhaps multiplied because she also carries the burdens of her church family.



Minnesota
 

I’ve been a pastor’s wife for 6 years now.  God lead us here through the leading of His people connecting with us. it is really a long story. I really didn’t know what to expect as a pastor’s wife, but I love being one.

My advice to other women married to a pastor: connect yourself with as many pastor’s wives as you can and ask lots of questions. Attend seminars, and if in college or seminary with your husband attend the student wives meetings. They were very helpful to me. Be open to God and His leading.

My advice to church women: I’m just like you, no better, and I need your prayers.  Just letting me know you love me and pray for me is the most encouraging.  Don’t be afraid to be close friends with your pastor’s wife, she needs friends she can turn to.


Oregon

Many pastor’s wives are lonely and conflicted about friendship with women in their own congregation.  They are known by all, yet known by no one.  They are present and yet distant.  They give their lives but reserve their complete openness to protect themselves, their husbands and church leadership.  Women are often curious and sometimes critical of the woman who has the heart of their pastor.  Unspoken expectations exist and are usually expressed when building a negative campaign against the pastor or his leadership.  I have been blessed with a few special ladies in our twenty years of ministry who really looked beyond the stigma and expectations and did what it took to get to know my heart and love me, the sinner that I am.  


To have a friendship with a pastor’s wife requires a unique and purposeful relationship.  I would like to share a few of the ways that my dearest friends have endeared themselves to me. 

1. They understand my public ministry to all the ladies in the church. 

My closest friend understands that our friendship is built in the one-on-one moments outside church functions.  Sunday mornings, church activities, ladies meetings are all times when I have the freedom to make connections with visitors, ladies on the fringe, and ladies who are hurting or need counsel.  My friends adjust their expectations of spending time with me at church and know that I may not be able to “give” them any more than a passing smile.  They are the friends who call on Sunday afternoon to ask about my ministry that morning.  They know and expect me to be unavailable to talk, chat or connect with them at church, but it sure is fun when we can find a moment for a quick hug or greeting, knowing that we will talk later. 

2. They are sensitive to my schedule. 

I had one dear friend who would look at her bulletin for events and then check with me later to see if I needed help with the children, refreshments, or transportation so that I could be a part of the scheduled event.  She knew that I loved music ministry so she came early with me every week to watch my babies so that I could practice with the orchestra.  She made ministry possible because she knew my heartbeat.


She also understood that just because I was married to the pastor doesn’t mean that I was all knowing about church activities etc.  Many assume that the pastor comes home and tells his wife about every detail of his day.  But in reality, they are just like your husband.   When they get home from a long day at work, they just want to relax.  The last thing they want to talk about is “work.”  My friends talk with me about church events not assuming that I know any more about them than they do. 




3.  They don’t allow me to “vent” about people or circumstances, but rather encourage me to communicate my feelings. 
This is possibly the most important and valuable aspect of my closest relationships.    It seems like every friendship requires trust and the ability to be completely transparent and tell each other everything without the threat of betrayal or judgment.  The truth is, when you are married to a pastor, you are exposed to some very dark times of personal despair that can be confusing, frustrating, and lonely.  The only thing that can make that worse is to expose others to the darkness of human error among people in their own congregation who they may respect or have a lifetime of experience with and who will remain if the Lord chooses to move you on to another ministry. True friends are aware of your hurt but unaware of the people or circumstances that caused it.  On the occasions when I truly need to express details, I call my dad, sister or someone who has no knowledge or experience with that congregation.  True friends can encourage you through loneliness or despair without knowing the details because they know your heart and your motives.   They can remind you of God’s promises, your calling, and His great mercy and love.  They don’t ask for details or names and stop discussions that might lead to unwanted or unneeded disclosure.  This is extremely difficult yet such a precious gift.

4. They are supportive of your decision to go wherever God leads you. 
True friendship survives geographical distance.  My dearest friends know that to be my friend they took a risk that I may be asked to move to another ministry, yet continue communication knowing that I am investing my life into a new group of ladies.  They are not threatened by new relationships and embrace others who are reaching out to me.

What a wonderful opportunity God has given to me to serve Him full-time.  He has provided me with the gift of true friendship to get through the difficult times and to celebrate the fulfilling and exciting times in His service.
 

 




by Categories: In Her Shoes Leave a comment

In Her Shoes – Single Women

Singleness.  We’ve all been there at some point. Some of you live the single life right now – for others of us, the memory of life alone begins to dim. Married at age thirty, I remember being on my own. But, recently I recognized that my memories are getting foggy. So, I asked some godly single women what they would like their married sisters, including me, to know about them.

It is my delight to introduce these lovely women of God!  They are their 30s or 40s; two are in full-time Christian service, and two are in secular professions.  Each wants to honor God in her life and in her relationships.  Their objective is not to promote comparison between married and single women.  They want to nuture unity with their sisters in Christ.

What would you like married women to know about you?

Single Sister #1 – Iowa

“What I want married women to know about me:

1) Church service: I do want to serve, but please don’t treat me like a workhorse, always expecting me to serve anytime there’s a need. Just because I’m single and have no kids, doesn’t mean that I have oodles of free time or that I don’t have other commitments.  Three years ago, I got a personal and painful reminder that I need to be better about saying the word “no.” I had just come off of a summer of constantly serving in various areas, and God showed me that I needed to slow down. 

 

2) Please don’t assume that my job is the only thing going on in my life. I may not be married or have kids, but I do lead a full and active life. I don’t mind when people ask me how work is going, but sometimes I feel like that’s ALL they ask me about. There are times when work has been trying for me that day or week, and I really don’t feel like talking about it. But sometimes I have trouble diverting the conversation in another direction because I feel like ‘well, at least they’re talking to me. I’ll take that over nothing.’ I have hopes, dreams, goals, hobbies, musical interests, etc. Please don’t be afraid to ask about my life.

3) Likewise, I want to hear about your life too. I love hearing about others’ kids and families, but I also want to get to know more about you. I think there is much we can learn from each other.

4) I do appreciate it when people ask me how they can pray for me or what I’ve been learning from God and His Word.

5) I am endeavoring to take to heart Proverbs 31:10-31, particularly verse 12 right now.

6) I aspire to keep growing closer to and loving my Lord more and more every day.”

Single Sister #2 – Pennsylvania

“Some have already mentioned my thoughts, but I’ll reiterate them. Our church has a once-a-month ladies’ Bible study and fellowship. There are some ladies that I work with who attend that I could sit with there, but I’d like to get know some other people. I’ve given up and have quit going because none of the married women will include me in their conversations. Sometimes they don’t so much as look at me. I would like married women to know that I don’t have the plague and I do have a life even though I’m not married. I want them to know that I do want to be their friend and hear about their families though other topics of conversation and interest in my life would be appreciated as well.

My parents married late, so they can very much relate to the problem we face in Christianity. “Oh, she’s single. She can do it.” Within three months of being saved my dad was made Sunday school superintendent because he was single. Mom was so stressed out with all of her responsibilities at church that the married women wouldn’t do that she actually postponed their wedding. Single people have to work full time, do all of the grocery shopping, house and lawn chores, pay all of the bills and make all of the decisions by themselves. There really isn’t that much free time.

 

                                                                           
One thing that has bugged me for many years is to hear married women complain about their husbands. I understand that some women have legitimate reasons to complain about their husbands, but that doesn’t give them a right to do so. Complaining is not honoring. Often the complaints are so petty such as how much laundry and ironing he creates. I would be so happy to have a husband to iron for, and I hate ironing! I vowed years ago that if God ever gave me a husband, I would thank God for him every time I did his laundry, and I practice that when doing my dad’s laundry.”


Single Sister #3 – Wisconsin
“To include everyone, not just married people. I have a lot of friends who include my daughter and I in everything, but then you meet people who act like they’re superior because they’re married. And then I hear women who are so upset because their husband doesn’t do every little thing for them. I hear women who have said they’re mad at God because they can’t have any more children and they already have 3 or 4 kids. Sigh…………I try to be compassionate toward them and understand and just love them but the reality of it is that in my heart, I’m thinking that they need to be thankful for the husband and kids that they already have. Some of us would love to trade places with them in an instant.

I agree that many are busy serving their families, but I have a friend who is a mother of 5 girls, she serves her family and husband very well, yet has always had time for my daughter and I in NUMEROUS ways. Having dinner at their house, parties at their house, game night, etc. I think that no matter where you are in life, it comes back to looking past yourself and loving people. As a single mom who runs 2 businesses, the norm for me has been to be up at 7am, to work by 8:30, back home around 8pm, and to bed around 1am. I had time to run both businesses, spend time with my daughter, keep up the house, have play dates with her friends, cook meals for people who just had babies or surgeries, watch people’s kids if they had a Dr’s appt, etc. and coordinate an entire music program (everything from practice, coordinating the calendar, teaching people how to sing, putting together cantatas, you name it.)

I’m enjoying the break I’m having right now from that busy life (just moved), but still looking for ways to serve people in this community. I’ve been buying school uniforms for kids at school who can’t afford them, and I’m planning to organize buying coats for them too. I always try to remind myself that everyone is at a different place spiritually, and even when God tells someone to do something, they might not actually do it. I have to leave it up to God to bring people to the point of looking at other people’s needs and doing something about it.

The only other thing I would add is just being sensitive, especially when you’re talking to an older person who’s single. I’ve had people ask me ‘Why aren’t you married?’  and while I really think they mean it as a compliment, it makes you feel like in some way you’ve failed because you’re not married. As if it’s a social class or something. Other times, people have told me that I ‘just need to get married,’ as if that will solve all of life’s issues and as if there’s some big line of guys that I have to choose from. Getting married just to get married never made anyone happy or solved any problems.

Understanding that God’s plan for some people is to be married, and God’s plan for other people is to be single and supporting each other in living out that plan is important.”

Single Sister #4 – Ohio

“That’s a very sensitive question to ask. Because of health problems, I’ve shared with people at church about how much stress has compromised my health. Two older married ladies have commented that I shouldn’t have any stress because I’m not married with children. I wanted to scream! But they had no personal reference point to understand the deprivations of walking through life alone, working full-time, and, in my case, having no family nearby or any Christian relatives at all.


I also wish married women would be sensitive to singles when they’re in a group setting. Many married women talk a lot about their families, and that’s like a knife in my heart, since I am past the age where I could have my own kids.

I appreciate your asking the question. There are a lot of radio programs, Bible studies or whatever that deal with the issues a person faces when married. Because of that, singles have a fairly good grasp of their struggles, but it’s not common to have information about singles, or if there is, it’s usually about dating, not about just plain living.

In my church, most married women work outside the home. In many cases, it’s because their husband makes them do it, because they feel they need to. But even if not, most of these are people who live pretty comfortable lives in large homes. This week I’ve been praying about getting involved with youth at church again. Two years ago I had to step away from all such ministries because of health issues, and I’m so hungry to offer up that nurturing side of me as a woman. But I think I’m going to have to turn down this opportunity, because my job is just too draining (I literally do the work of 3 people). I have longed and prayed that God would somehow remove the burden of having to support myself so I could be more involved in more ministries and volunteering to be a testimony for Christ in my community.


When I see married women either forced to work or choosing to work, it’s such a sadness to me. My church has suffered because so few women are available anymore for ministries. I would challenge women who have the freedom to not work to pour their energies into this very eternal investment. You are very much needed and valued in these roles.

As a final note: I want married women to know that I feel for them with the issues they face too, because raising kids can be very trying. Whether single or married, it’s good to respect each other’s differences and know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. I think a forum like this, though, can help us better understand and support each other as members of the whole family of God. I always bear in mind that in heaven there will be no marriage, so if we can focus on people as people here, we’ll be set for heaven!”

. . . . .

Thank you ladies!  What about you?  Do you have something you’d like to share?  We’d love to hear from you!  Please feel free to leave a comment below.  We are exceedingly blessed to be on God’s mission together!

“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them . . . Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality . . . Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another.”


– Excerpts from Romans 12

 

by Categories: Friendship, In Her Shoes, Single Women 6 Comments

Mommy Survival Kit

A dear friend of mine is celebrating her birthday this week. She is a busy mom with four active kids, so I was trying to figure out what would bless her the most. Her mini-van is her 2nd home, so, I thought a van survival kit might come in handy.

 
This box was on sale at Michael’s for $2.00. Then I spent about $4.00 on stickers: alphabet with stars and cute insects (lady bugs, butterflies, dragonflies, etc.), plus a package of neat sayings (she and I collect fun and inspiring sayings, usually in plaque form – and that doesn’t mean on our teeth). I scattered the stickers on top and on all four sides.

The boys and I scoured Dollar Tree and came up with some great mommy emergency items, and I raided my own personal stash to come of with a box full of smiles:

 
  • Correspondence Items – encouragement notes, stamps, stickers
  • Feed the Soul Items – New Testament, Gospel tracts, two small books full of short stories (each with a Bible verse)
  • Office supplies/Tools – tape, glue stick, scissors, mini stapler, calculator, white out, pens, pencils, screw driver, sticky notes,
  • Mommy 9-1-1 – silly string, “Bang” gun (pull the trigger and sign falls down that says “bang”), earplugs, sudoku book, $1 bill plus loose change, disposable plastic gloves
  • Medicine – ibuprofen, 1 children’s benadryl, cough drops, band-aids, antibacterial gel, tums
  • Personal Care Items – fingernail file and clippers, lotion, red lipstick, tissues, wisp (disposable toothbrushes), clear fingernail polish
  • Yummies – chocolate (of course!), tea bags, granola bar, coffee bags, mints
 
I’ve probably forgotten something, but you get the general idea. Danean was thrilled with her gift, and it makes me so happy thinking about her driving around town, ministering to her family with her handy-dandy kit at her side.
 
Do you know someone who needs a survival box?  It’s a blast putting it together and giving it away. And, come to think of it, I might need one.  How about you?
 
“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.” Galatians 6:10


by Categories: Gifts, In Her Shoes, Ministry Ideas, Motherhood Leave a comment

Good Soil Evangelism Overview

Last weekend I was privileged to take part in a Good Soil Evangelism training seminar. Having grown up in a Christian home, Bible teaching churches, a Christian school, and two Bible colleges, I have heard much about evangelism.  So, I was happily surprised to be challenged in my thinking.  The training I received made me stop and reconsider my audience and how better to communicate with them.

Here are a few points that stood out to me:

1.  Most of us are familiar with the Romans Road.  Where does it usually begin?  Romans 3:23 – “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  What is that presuming?  That my audience understands “sin” and “falling short,” as well as their belief in God’s existance.  Three chapters precede chapter three verse twenty-three, building a foundation to prepare the hearer to learn he is a sinner in need.  So, why do we usually start with Romans 3:23?  It may be perfect for someone with a Bible background, but this is becoming less and less common. 

2.  What about the question, “If you were to die today and stand before God, why should He let you into heaven?”  This presumes people believe in God, heaven and hell.  Again, to the typical adult, confusing.

3.  Sin.  Most people don’t know what it is. We laughingly discussed “sinfully delicious desserts” as sadly the most common use of the word “sin” in our society.  Or they may think of Bible beaters – people who condemn others with prideful self-absorbtion, yelling and pulpit pounding.

4.  They presented a useful overview to help us understand where people are spiritually and where to being helping them in their relationship with God.  Evangelism-Discipleship Scale

5.  We studied John 1 (where I have normally suggested people begin reading their Bible) from the eyes of someone with no knowledge of the Old Testament.  Shocking.

6.  We watched the following video about the Mauk Tribe of Papua New Guinea.  They had never heard of Jesus; they didn’t even know where they were in the world.  A missionary couple, who was discouraged by most because of their age, family size, and health problems, felt called to to PNG to share the truth.  I learned a lot from how they presented the Bible to this people which had no background in God’s Word.  All of us sat their and wept, realizing how blessed we are to know God’s Word!

7.  Also available is a book to help new believers:  The Way To Joy
Both The Story of Hope and The Way To Joy are available in several languages.  This program isn’t just another Evangelism Explosion.  It would be extremely beneficial in any church or small group in teaching Biblical evangelism.  Teacher instruction manuals are downloadable for free on their website.  I highly recommend Good Soil Evangelism. Click here to find out more:  Good Soil Evangelism
by Categories: Book Reviews, Church, Education, In Her Shoes, International Student Ministries, Mentoring, Missions 2 Comments